The Crux of Anxiety: Control, Coping, and Calming the Mind
By Sarah Benitez-Zandi LCSW
Anxiety gets a bad reputation, but at its core, it’s not a villain—it’s a protector. It's your body’s built-in alarm system, designed to keep you safe. Think of the fear you get looking down a dark alley and considering whether you should walk that way to get to your car because it is quicker or take the well-lit street that might take a bit longer. That feeling you get that tells you the alley is dangerous is a healthy form of anxiety. But like any alarm, if it's too sensitive or always going off, it stops being helpful and starts becoming disruptive. That’s when anxiety shifts from a natural coping skill to something maladaptive.
A common thread across almost all types of anxiety is a deep focus on control—trying to manage outcomes, other people’s thoughts, future events, or past mistakes. The more energy we spend trying to grasp what we can't hold (or what we can’t control), the more anxiety tightens its grip.
Understanding the Different Types of Anxiety
Anxiety can look very different from person to person, but here are a few of the most common forms:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Chronic worry about a wide range of topics—work, health, relationships, and daily responsibilities—even when there’s no immediate threat.
Social Anxiety: Fear of embarrassment or judgment in social settings. It often leads to avoidance of interactions, even when connection is deeply desired.
Specific Phobias: Intense fear of certain objects or situations (like heights, flying, or animals) that goes beyond logical risk.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Persistent, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions) used to reduce anxiety or prevent imagined harm.
Panic Disorder: Recurrent, unexpected panic attacks accompanied by fear of having more attacks, often leading to avoidance of situations.
Despite these differences, many forms of anxiety stem from the same root: an overactive attempt to control what feels out of control.
Anxiety Is Not the Enemy
It’s important to understand that anxiety is not inherently bad. In fact, it’s a normal part of being human. It alerts us to danger, helps us prepare, and motivates action. But when it becomes chronic, disproportionate, or misaligned with the actual situation, it can impact our relationships, physical health, and overall wellbeing.
The key isn’t to get rid of anxiety entirely—it’s to learn how to relate to it differently.
Basic Coping Tools That Help
If you find yourself constantly stuck in a loop of “what ifs” or trying to manage every possible outcome, here are some simple, effective strategies:
Shift from control to awareness.
Ask yourself: “What is within my control right now?” Redirect energy toward those things and gently release the rest.Grounding techniques.
Use tools like deep breathing, sensory focus, or body scans to anchor yourself in the present moment when anxiety feels overwhelming.Limit reassurance-seeking.
Constantly checking, researching, or asking others for validation can reinforce anxiety. Try pausing and sitting with uncertainty—even briefly.Practice acceptance.
Rather than resisting anxious thoughts or feelings, notice them. Let them pass like waves rather than trying to stop the tide.Name your patterns.
When you understand how anxiety shows up for you, it becomes easier to respond with clarity instead of reactivity.
Let Go to Feel More in Control
One of the most powerful shifts in anxiety work is realizing that control isn’t always the answer—it can sometimes be the problem. When we release the need to micromanage our thoughts, feelings, and outcomes, we start to build real confidence in our ability to cope—not just avoid.
If you're ready to explore what’s beneath your anxiety and start building tools that actually work, we would be honored to support you.
We provide evidence-based, compassionate therapy for anxiety and related concerns via virtual platform. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out to us at referrals.mmhc@gmail.com.