Couples Therapy

You can love each other and still find yourselves repeating patterns neither of you intended to bring into the relationship.

Maybe you keep having the same argument, even when you promise yourselves this time will be different.

One of you reaches for connection while the other pulls away. One person takes responsibility for everything while the other steps back. Conflict feels dangerous, so you avoid it until resentment builds. Or maybe you find yourselves communicating in ways that feel uncomfortably familiar, even though you promised yourselves your relationship would be different.

We don't enter relationships as blank slates.

We bring with us what we learned about love, conflict, closeness, independence, responsibility, emotion, repair, and what it means to need another person.

Some of those patterns serve us well.

Others are the patterns we came here to break.

Couples therapy can help you understand what each of you brought into the relationship, what you've created together, and what you want to do differently moving forward.

The Pattern Between You Didn't Come From Nowhere

Couples often arrive knowing exactly what they argue about.

Money. Parenting. Sex. Household responsibilities. In-laws. Work. Phones. Communication.

But underneath the content of those arguments, there is often something much older.

Maybe you learned that conflict threatens connection, so you work desperately to resolve it.

Maybe your partner learned that conflict means things are becoming unsafe, so they need space.

Perhaps one of you grew up managing everyone else's needs and now automatically over-functions in the relationship. Maybe the other learned not to need much from anyone at all.

Neither of you consciously chose those patterns.

But together, they can create a cycle that leaves both people feeling misunderstood, unimportant, criticized, overwhelmed, or alone.

Cycle breaking in couples therapy means becoming curious about what you inherited, intentional about what you keep, and willing to build something different together.

Couples Come to Therapy for All Kinds of Reasons

You might be struggling with:

• Recurring conflict or communication breakdowns

• Emotional distance or feeling more like roommates

• Attachment injuries or unresolved relationship wounds

• Betrayal or loss of trust

• Differences around sex, intimacy, money, parenting, or family

• Recognizing patterns from your families of origin showing up in your relationship

• Over-functioning, under-functioning, caretaking, or emotional labor imbalances

• Wanting to parent differently than you were parented

• Disagreeing about which family traditions, expectations, or roles you want to carry forward

• Major life transitions

• Trauma that continues to affect the relationship

• Wanting to reconnect before the relationship deteriorates further

You don't need to be on the verge of separation to benefit from couples therapy.

Sometimes coming sooner gives us much more room to work.

Understanding the Pattern Is Only the Beginning

Better communication matters, but lasting change usually requires more than learning what words to use.

Most couples already know they're supposed to listen, take breaks when things get heated, and communicate their needs more clearly.

Knowing what you're supposed to do and being able to do it when your attachment system is activated are two very different things.

My approach to couples therapy is attachment-focused, trauma-informed, experiential, and grounded in cycle-breaking work.

We pay attention to what happens between you now while also remaining curious about the experiences that taught each of you how relationships work in the first place.

From there, I integrate several approaches depending on what your relationship needs.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)

EFCT helps us identify the negative interactional cycle you become caught in and understand the attachment needs, emotions, and fears underneath it.

Rather than treating either partner as the problem, we begin looking at the cycle as the problem.

This work can help couples move away from patterns of pursuing, withdrawing, criticizing, defending, or shutting down and toward greater emotional accessibility, responsiveness, and connection.

I am currently completing advanced training toward EFCT certification, finalized by the end of October 2026.

Imago Relationship Therapy

Imago-informed work helps us explore how earlier relational experiences can shape what each partner needs, fears, expects, and reacts to within an adult partnership.

It also gives us structured ways to slow conversations down so that partners can actually hear and understand one another rather than immediately reacting, defending, fixing, or preparing a response.

I am currently completing Imago Relationship Therapy Level 1 training, completion by end January 2027.

EMDR for Couples

Sometimes there is an experience in the relationship that continues to feel present no matter how many times you've talked about it.

An affair. A betrayal. An attachment injury. A frightening experience. A painful interaction. Or trauma from outside the relationship that continues to become activated within it.

When clinically appropriate, I can incorporate EMDR into couples therapy to help address experiences that continue to activate one or both partners and interfere with connection.

Couples EMDR isn't simply individual EMDR with your partner sitting beside you. It is thoughtfully integrated into the larger relational work and used when it supports the needs, goals, and stability of the couple.

Not every couple needs EMDR. When it makes sense, however, it gives us another way of working with experiences that haven't shifted through conversation alone.

Somatic & Nervous System-Informed Work

Sometimes your body reacts to your partner before you've had time to think about what is happening.

Your heart races. You shut down. You become overwhelmed. You need to get away. Or you feel an urgent need to resolve the conflict immediately.

These responses can make perfect sense when we understand what your nervous system has learned about conflict, closeness, rejection, and safety.

I incorporate somatic and nervous system-informed approaches to help couples recognize these responses and develop a greater capacity to stay present with one another during emotionally charged moments.

You don't need to know which approach you need before coming to therapy.

Part of my job is determining which tools and approaches make sense for your relationship rather than expecting you to choose a therapy model before we've even met.

How Couples Therapy Begins

I typically begin by meeting individually with each partner before bringing you together for ongoing couples therapy.

These initial assessment sessions allow me to understand each person's history, experience of the relationship, family-of-origin patterns, attachment experiences, concerns, and hopes for therapy.

We then come together with a much fuller understanding of the relationship we're working with.

For most couples, I recommend 90-minute sessions, particularly at the beginning of therapy or when meeting every other week. This gives us enough time to move beyond simply discussing what happened that week and actually work with the patterns happening between you.

As therapy progresses, we can determine whether 60-minute sessions become appropriate.

What If One of Us Isn't Sure About the Relationship?

Sometimes the problem isn't simply figuring out how to make the relationship better.

One person may be seriously considering leaving while the other desperately wants to repair the relationship.

When partners have fundamentally different agendas about whether to stay together, traditional couples therapy may not be the best place to begin.

Discernment counseling is specifically designed for couples in this position. Rather than immediately trying to repair the relationship, we slow the process down and work toward greater clarity and confidence about what comes next.

Learn More About Discernment Counseling

Investment

Couples therapy is billed based on time, not per person.

60 minutes: $235
90 minutes: $352.50

Most couples begin with 90-minute sessions.

Trauma Wise Healing is a private-pay practice.